It's been almost a month since I put out an ad for a nanny and I've not had one serious applicant. Perhaps candidates just need a little more information before committing to my care. So, I filled out this fun Facebook questionairre to help you get to know me.
1. Who are you named after? Julia Drucilla, the daughter of Caligula. Apropos, if I do say so myself.
2. Last time you cried? This morning, when I woke up and realized Donald Trump was still president.
3. Do you like your handwriting? Hard to tell. I usually only see a smudged version of it on a damp bar napkin after having “my best idea ever” while totally intoxicated.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Pickle loaf, duh.
5. What is your favorite color? Taint Taupe
6. Longest relationship? I’ve had a love affair with bourbon for 30 beautiful years.
7. Do you still have your tonsils? Nope, I lost them in a sword swallowing accident.
8. Would you bungee jump? Seems like a waste of gravity.
9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Marshmallows Only Lucky Charms.
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Shoes are for sissies.
12. Favorite ice cream? If you thought I was a freak before, check this—I hate ice cream.
13. What is the first thing you notice about a person? Whether or not they’re wearing a badge.
14. Football or baseball? Alligator wrestling, competitive eating, and mechanical bull riding are the only sports I condone.
16. Last thing you ate? A child who wandered up to my gingerbread cottage…just joking, a multigrain waffle.
17. What are you listening to? The beat of my own drummer, and it is loud and erratic.
18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I’d be one of those you make by melting all the others and then mushing them back into one.
19. What is your favorite flower? My own Full-Blown Rose.
20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Depends, does heavy breathing count as a conversation?
21. Married? Happily ever after, or until we drown each other in the lake.
22. Hair color? Yes.
23. Eye color? Mostly blue-green with rings of bloodshot red.
24. Favorite food to eat? Gizzards. Deep-fried gizzards drenched in hot sauce.
25. Scary movies or happy endings? As long as there’s copious amounts of popcorn and gratuitous violence, I care not.
26. Last movie you watched? The Oscar-worthy classic, “Grandma’s Boy Unrated.”
27. What color shirt are you wearing? Nude with nipples…oh wait, I’m not wearing a shirt…I’m naked.
28. Favorite holiday? National Bourbon Day, of course, which also happens to be the day of my birth, June 14.
29. Beer or wine? Only in a pinch. I like my liquor like my men--hard.
30. Night owl or morning person? Both—no rest for the wicked.
31. Favorite day of the week? The day after Friday, but before Saturday. I like to call it Fraturday, because it’s when I party like a frat house.
32. Favorite season? Season 6 of “Shameless.”
Sharing All I KNOW about the fine art of voluptuating. here's to living the lush life.