ME: You’ll find a job. You always do. You got this. You’re the Bourbonista.
MYSELF: Don’t remind me. Between the shit I’ve put on Facebook and this blog, no employer is going to touch me with a ten foot pole. I’m screwed.
ME: Calm down. You are totally capable of making a living. You just need to think outside the box.
MY SELF: Thinking outside the box shouldn’t be hard since I’ll probably be living in one. I’ll just wander out in the elements and ponder about a career choice.
ME: You essentially will be living in a box... by choice. A houseboat is basically just a buoyant box made out aluminum. You want to go live on a boat and write, right?
MYSELF: What if I can’t make a living an author? What if no one wants to read my book? It’s not like “The Miracle of Myrtle” flew off the shelves.
ME: Are you a writer or not?
MYSELF: Yes, technically, I am a writer.
ME: Then just pretend you are the main character of a novel and give yourself some job options. What could a middle-aged female living on a boat do to provide for herself and animals?
MYSELF: What about Frank?
ME: I consider him one of the animals.
MYSELF: And, I’m usually the snarky one.
ME: Focus. This is about you. What could you do?
MYSELF: Well, you know that lady that we see selling beet pickles and wild blackberry jam and produce out of the back of her pick-up at the fork in Palisades? She looks pretty happy. Maybe I could sell homemade canned goods from the back of the Scion.
ME: See, now you’re thinking.
MYSELF: Or I could teach ballroom dancing classes on the dock. Or make lamps with found driftwood and sell them at the Peddler’s Mall in Harrodsburg. Or I could be a reenactor at Shaker Village. I bet churning butter would totally get rid of my “Granny Bye-Bye” arms.
ME: And, don’t forget about your idea for the Floating Pepperoni pizza barge. That is money.
MYSELF: Or I could train the local otters and herons and turtles and do a “Sea World” type show right off the front deck. If it got popular enough, I could pitch it to TLC.
ME: Sure. Why not?
MYSELF: Or, I could fall in the freezing water, have a near-death, after-life experience and start my own religion. Being a prophet can prove to be profitable.
ME: I see a bourbon communion in our very near future.