The Bourbonista: Tell me about yourself in 50 words or less. At least one word must begin with the letter “X” and none can begin with the letter “S.”
Tina: I hate questions like this. I enjoy painting my nails. I like music and wish that Ear X-tacy had never closed. I write poems.
The Bourbonista: Well, I hate answers like that, but your nails look lovely. You know, I have always wanted to get a job naming lipsticks or nail polish. I would call that color Vivacious Vulva Violet. So, if you were a circus performer, what would you be and why?
Tina: A contortionist. I do my best work in tight spots.
The Bourbonista: I do my best work in the bathtub. So, what would you do if you won the lottery?
Tina: I would hire a private jet fill it with all my favorite people head directly to Las Vegas and blow an obscene amount of money on all of them. Start a pygmy animal farm. Secretly bestow gold bars on worthy individuals/charitable institutions. Set my kids up.
The Bourbonista: Please, please breed a pygmy bison for me. My life will not be complete until I pet a pygmy bison. So, If you were on death row…don’t act like you don’t know who you killed to get there…what would be your last supper?
Tina: Not sure that I would have much of an appetite seeing as I was about to die at the hands of the state but I would want my cigarettes, a very good cup of coffee and if I had to sink my teeth into something a mango.
The Bourbonista: Seriously, fruit. You'd eat fruit. That is so disappointing, but probably also the reason you have that svelte physique while I look like I'm made of biscuit dough...actually with my lake tan, I more resemble rye bread dough, which is still not good. Touche'. Write a short “Thank You” letter to your future self for all the cool shit you’ve done twenty years from now.
You are one of the coolest people I have ever known. Thank you for being so opened minded all the time and taking naps. I hope your life on the Gulf of Mexico is going well and you haven’t let winning the Pulitzer Prize go straight to your head (I am sure it has). Be nice to yourself and hug my grandkids for me.
the moon goddess (wink)
The Bourbonista: I'll meet you on the Gulf in 2033 and we'll hammock nap and discuss our illustrious writing careers, deal? Lastly, If you were a booze, which booze would you be and who would you want to drink you?
Tina: I would be an Old-Fashioned. My one true love.