According to Truman Capote, "You can't blame a writer for what the characters say." I hope like hell this is true, because Jezebel Jackson, the main character from Hemlock Holler, is perhaps the most raunchy and raucous dame ever put on a page.
Jezebel Jackson is a punk-country sensation known to her fans as The Barbarian Queen. On the verge of retiring, she is trying to perform her farewell concert, Hootenanny in the Holler, a midst death threats, the emergence of a supernatural nemesis, and protests from The Morality Maidens, a hypocritical, Evangelical group who preaches celibacy out of one side of their mouths and hatred out of the other.
Here are a few Jezebelisms:
*Bitch wears so much make-up I bet it takes a metal cheese grater to scrape it off at night.
Well, that’s about as unfortunate as a Dominatrix developing a latex allergy.
I’d rather douche with Tabasco.
You're not a midget? Well, that’s too bad. Every bar needs a midget.
Ain't nothing that a bath and bourbon can't cure.
Blood is thicker than water, but gravy is thicker than both.
I'd rather attend an orgy in a leper colony than brunch with her.
Codswallop. As long as it covers nips and cracks, we’re good to go,
*She's one of those pathetic women that keeps a stack a bridal magazines under the bed and has an "I Do" board on Pinterest even though ain't nobody asked her to marry them.
I’ve been very productive today. I shaved my snatch. It’s as smooth and shiny as fresh, waxed linoleum. Want to see?
*That Jesus on the crucifix around her neck looked downright embarrassed to be hanging between those fake boobs.
I’m a firm believer in working hard and playing hard…sometimes I just forget the working part.
Lord, my twat is all over Twitter...again.
Swine flu...I think they should call it donkey flu cause it makes you feel like ass.
*If she'd stop thumping that Bible and actually read it, she might act better.
I prayed about it, and God told me to tell you to shut your big, ugly pie hole.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.