I’m going to state the obvious here. It is colder than a Siberian nudist’s nut sack. So, I have searched the web for some innovative ways to stay warm.
1) Take a clue from the animals. According to Discovery News, whales build up a layer of blubber; red-sided garter snakes hibernate in a pile and then form mating balls; and Japanese macaques monkeys take hot baths. I personally like to employ all of these methods and add my own spin. My favorite way to stay warm is the get chubby/ snuggle-sex/hot bath combo with bourbon thrown in for good measure.
2) They say easiest way to stay warm is to make sure you never get cold. That’s where this recipe comes in handy. Drink one and you’re guaranteed to get so cozy in your core that you’ll want one more. And, one more after that. And, one more after that.
Bourbonista Chiller Killer
½ mug Whiskey
½ mug Hot Water
1 Tbsp Honey
Lemon Slice (squeezed)
Pinch of cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves
3) Take the Luke Skywalker approach and climb inside a carcass. If you don’t have a Tauntaun handy, you could slaughter and climb inside a buffalo, rhino, hippo, or Abby Lee Miller from "Dance Moms." If you can’t find any of these or don’t believe in killing an innocent animal in order to save on a electric bills, you could always just climb into this Tauntaun Sleeping Bag instead.
4) Put clear shower curtains over your windows. It utilizes the sun to heat your home. But remember just because they’re curtains doesn’t mean you can prance around naked celebrating you’re new found warmth…which leads me to…
5) Last week I developed the kind of cabin fever that compels you to burn the cabin down and then run through the streets wearing nothing but red cowboy boots and mittens with your hair teased out like Einstein’s singing “Boogie Wonderland.” DON’T. According to The Week’s article “How to Keep Warm Outside: 5 Science-Based Tips,” the less skin exposed the better. However, I was spot on with the mittens. They keep you warmer than gloves. I suggest donning a turban, gorilla mask, and footie pajamas, which I credit for keeping me alive last year on the lake.
BONUS – I know you have seen this DIY video KeepTurningLeft floating around the web on how to use terracotta pots and tea lights to heat a room. Watch it. It is fascinating.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.