Three events have happened this week that have made me think the apocalypse just might be a real thing that is happening in the not so distant future. In one of the most horrifying scenes I've witnessed, the Pope assisted in releasing two peace doves which were then brutally attacked by a crow and a seagull. At the Grammy's Madonna disappointed the majority of my gay friends by dressing like Boss Hogg and singing an entire song using one single note. And, it came out that Froot Loops, regardless of the color are all the same flavor.
This is not the first time I have been deceived by a cereal. One of the most disappointing experiences of my childhood was my first bite of Cookie Crisp. What could be better than tiny cookies drenched in milk and eaten with a spoon? Pretty much painted cardboard with possum piss. I admit I haven't given them another try. I just can't take that kind of let-down twice. Grape-Nuts will screw you over too. The first two crunchy bites are healthy grain glorious. Then the third bite turns to paste. Every time. No matter how fast you eat. No matter what kind of milk you use, you will wind up with a mouthful of mush. Captain Crunch is perhaps the biggest offender. It is like a cruel weapon...it tastes so good you can't stop eating despite the fact that every little delicious nugget is slicing up the roof of your mouth. By the time you've finished bowl three...cause you can't eat just one bowl of the Captain...your palate is a patch of torn and bleeding pink flesh. What kind of sadistic person could be behind all this. I'm fairly sure it is Sarah Palin, though I don't have proof.
But this obviously goes so much deeper than cereal. Think about it...all of last week's dreadful incidents were obviously planned and perpetrated by the Tea Party in protest to same-sex marriage. It makes perfect sense. The Pope asked "Who am I to judge?" Madonna is a gay icon. And, Froot Loops are rainbow-colored. No doubt, they trained and sent out the hawk, stole Madonna's fashion sense and vocal chords, and sucked all of the fruity flavor variety from Froot Loops, just like they suck the fun from everything they touch. I know it sounds far fetched, but I put nothing past extreme Conservatives.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.