Have you ever seen the SciFi show The Haunted Collector? In it, a psychic/demonologist travels to people’s homes who have unwittingly bought or inherited an item that is haunted. It brings with it bad mojo or, in some cases, the spirit of the previous owner. I think I need to call him. I'm almost certain the antique cast iron cornbread mold I bought at the Harrodsburg Peddler’s Mall had the ghost of a Granny attached and now it has possessed my husband.
Here's proof. On the first eighty degree day, Frank was thrilled--not because he could go white water rafting or run naked down the dock, but because it would be warm enough to make Sun Tea. Instead of ogling at the bikini-clad teenagers on their jet skis, he says things like, “Kids these days have no respect. I can’t believe with the price of gas their parents let them run up and down the lake like that. And they’re going way too fast.” When I went vegetarian, his main concern wasn’t how I’d get my nutrients, but how it would affect his crock pot creations, because in his words, “You just can’t make a decent batch of brown beans without fatback.”
He gets plain giddy when there is a marathon of Antique Roadshow, though he will settle for Pawn Stars in a pinch. For next Christmas, he has already requested a new electric blanket. He wants to go to Hot Springs, Arkansas and sit in the mineral baths for vacation. He’s collecting bacon grease in a Ball Jar, so he’ll have his own stash of lard. And, he wants to trade in his Jeep Wrangler for a minivan.
I have to wonder if the Frank I married is still in there, or if the Old Biddy ran out his soul and forced it to find a new home. I fear it may be the latter. So, if you find your grandmother doing shots of Jaggermeister, sneaking out to go the skate park at Woodland, getting tattooed, or any other suspect behavior, I think she may be possessed by husband. I know a witchdoctor who can help.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.