Today, I am up bright and early, ready to take on the world. Yesterday, I didn't do anything but eat and participate in other recreational endeavors, and it was glorious.
Here are a few snippets from the brilliant conversations that dominated the day:
Me: I am a magical leprechaun.
Frank: No, you're not.
Me: So, you know what I would do if I was? Wish that three bites of all of my favorite foods would appear right here, right now.
Frank: Three bites?
Me: Yeah, nothing is ever as good after three bites.
Me: What's your favorite Dr. Seuss?
Frank: The Star Bellied Sneetches story.
Me: That's a good one. Mine is "Happy Birthday to You!" Will you read it to me?
Frank: It's not your birthday.
Me: So, first I don't get to be a leprechaun, and now it doesn't get to be my birthday?
Frank: Okay, it can be your birthday.
Me: Then where's my fucking present?
Frank: She was evil...like would kill someone and bury them in a field if she knew she wouldn't get caught evil.
Me: I'm evil like that.
Frank: No, you're not.
Me: Okay, if it makes you sleep better to believe that.
Me: (Laughing far too hard to speak) You know what...you know what...you know what...the funniest...the funniest...
Frank: I can't understand you. What's wrong with you?
Me: (Laughing harder) You know what...the funniest...the funniest thing.
Funniest thing...thing. in the world. The funniest in the world...would be?
Frank: No, what?
Me: (Falling to the floor laughing) A Gorilla Pig!
Frank: You mean like a big pink gorilla with a pig snout?
Me: Yeah, something like that.
Frank stares and shakes his head.
Me: I guess you had to be there.
Frank: I am there.
BONUS: If you were wondering what nutrients it takes to fuel such brilliant banter, a Slacker Saturday Diet consists of:
sausage and gravy pot pie (yes, such a wonder does indeed exist in the frozen food section), half an avocado, half a turkey sandwich, peanuts (first you suck all the salt off of the shell and then consume nut), a cheeseburger and potato wedges, pickles, chocolate cake, NutterButters and KitKats dipped in beer cheese, a banana, and slices pepperoni consumed at various points throughout the afternoon, all washed down by copious amounts of wine and generously sprinkled with herb.
Sharing All I KNOW about the fine art of voluptuating. here's to living the lush life.