Today, I am up bright and early, ready to take on the world. Yesterday, I didn't do anything but eat and participate in other recreational endeavors, and it was glorious.
Here are a few snippets from the brilliant conversations that dominated the day:
Me: I am a magical leprechaun.
Frank: No, you're not.
Me: So, you know what I would do if I was? Wish that three bites of all of my favorite foods would appear right here, right now.
Frank: Three bites?
Me: Yeah, nothing is ever as good after three bites.
Me: What's your favorite Dr. Seuss?
Frank: The Star Bellied Sneetches story.
Me: That's a good one. Mine is "Happy Birthday to You!" Will you read it to me?
Frank: It's not your birthday.
Me: So, first I don't get to be a leprechaun, and now it doesn't get to be my birthday?
Frank: Okay, it can be your birthday.
Me: Then where's my fucking present?
Frank: She was evil...like would kill someone and bury them in a field if she knew she wouldn't get caught evil.
Me: I'm evil like that.
Frank: No, you're not.
Me: Okay, if it makes you sleep better to believe that.
Me: (Laughing far too hard to speak) You know what...you know what...you know what...the funniest...the funniest...
Frank: I can't understand you. What's wrong with you?
Me: (Laughing harder) You know what...the funniest...the funniest thing.
Funniest thing...thing. in the world. The funniest in the world...would be?
Frank: No, what?
Me: (Falling to the floor laughing) A Gorilla Pig!
Frank: You mean like a big pink gorilla with a pig snout?
Me: Yeah, something like that.
Frank stares and shakes his head.
Me: I guess you had to be there.
Frank: I am there.
BONUS: If you were wondering what nutrients it takes to fuel such brilliant banter, a Slacker Saturday Diet consists of:
sausage and gravy pot pie (yes, such a wonder does indeed exist in the frozen food section), half an avocado, half a turkey sandwich, peanuts (first you suck all the salt off of the shell and then consume nut), a cheeseburger and potato wedges, pickles, chocolate cake, NutterButters and KitKats dipped in beer cheese, a banana, and slices pepperoni consumed at various points throughout the afternoon, all washed down by copious amounts of wine and generously sprinkled with herb.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.