For our tres addition of Tête-à-Tête Thursday, our guest is Sunny Montgomery, brilliant essayist, fellow Sister Provocateur, and founder of The Dear Diary Project, a community self-esteem project.
The Bourbonista: Tell me about yourself in 50 words or less. At least one word must begin with the letter “X” and none can begin with the letter “S.”
Sunny: Anxious, Creative, Indulgent, Happy, Fiercely-Loyal... Xylophonic?
The Bourbonista: Xylophonic...I'll let it slide. Wait, was that sort of a pun? Okay, moving on...if you were a circus performer, what would you be and why?
Sunny: I'd be the ukulele-playing, tap-dancing warm-up act for the Vaudevillian circus. There is something about Vaudeville that always attracted to me. I’m not sure what it is. Perhaps the era itself and what it must’ve been like to be a female performer at that time. It would’ve been very rogue and badass.
Also, I wish I could tap dance. It is actually number one on my Fantasy Job List. And I’m a decent ukulele player as long as my audience does not mind hearing “Sunny Afternoon” by the Kinks played over and over.
The Bourbonista: I'll teach you to tap dance, baby. And now we have a whole wooden dock to practice on. We'll shuffle-off-the-buffalo and do time steps for the turtles. They are a very appreciative audience. Next question, what would you do if you won the lottery?
Sunny: Just yesterday I won the lottery! Five bucks on one of those Bingo scratch-offs. I will probably buy a pack of cigarettes with my winnings. Just kidding. I assume you want to know what I would do with lots and lots of money. You know, I read an article in People magazine a few years ago that followed the lives of a dozen or so people would had won millions in a lottery. Ten years later, the majority of them were bankrupt, drug-addicted, miserable, and/or dead. I’ve already listed myself as being “indulgent and anxious” so hundreds of millions of dollars would probably ruin me.
But again, I guess I’m still avoiding the real question. Probably because I don’t have anything clever to say. If I won the lottery, I would do all the things that everybody says they’d do. I’d pay off my parent’s mortgage, make sure they were set up for the rest of their lives. Buy property in every place I’ve ever fantasized about living : Key West, Queens, New Orleans, somewhere in Georgia, Alaska…etc. Then I’d pad my bank account with 5 mil or so, and give the rest away to charities – most likely relating to animals because I like animals better than people.
The Bourbonista: I'll help you run a Caribou Rescue in Alaska. So, if you were on death row…don’t act like you don’t know who you killed to get there…what would be your last supper?
Sunny: Lord, that's a tough one. No matter what I chose I guarantee that half-way through my meal I'd regret it and wish I'd picked something else. That being said, I'd pick lobster and butter sauce with a side of creamy Parmesan risotto. Then I'm going to eat half of it and wish I'd actually chosen a large deep dish pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut.
The Bourbonista: Maybe you'll get lucky and Pizza Hut will start doing a Lobster and Parmesan Risotto Pizza. Here's an interesting one, if you were to write a short “Thank You” letter to your future self for all the cool shit you’ve done twenty years from now, what would it say?
Sunny: Dear 50 year-old Sunny, Thank you for finding and trusting your internal compass, for overcoming your biggest insecurities and losing your inhibitions. Thank you for marking off almost everything on the Dream List you started over 20 years ago. For maintaining your friendships. For having the gumption to finally quit that terrible desk job. And for writing and publishing that highly acclaimed collection of essays – the one that received an outstanding blurb from Jo Ann Beard herself.
The Bourbonista: I have no doubt every word of that will come true for you. And no one deserves it more. Love you, sister. This one's deep, if you were a booze, which booze would you be and who would you want to drink you?
Sunny: Well I'd be the Sunny Montgomery, of course! I actually have a shot named after me at Al's Bar. Who should drink me? Hmm, I don’t know. People suffering from a chest cold? My current shot tastes like cough syrup. I drink it sometimes only because it is my namesake.
My preferred drink is actually bourbon on the rocks with a splash of water but… I do have a weakness for the occasional super-girly-fruity shot. So let’s pretend that the Sunny Montgomery is purple and tastes like pineapple and Sweet Tarts. I’d like for a table full of my friends to drink me after they’ve sat around all night long, discussed books and poems, drank copious amounts of their favorite beverages. Then just before last call, they order a round of Sunny Montgomerys and hatch some irresponsible adventure for the after-hours. Cheers.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.