So, the time has come to decide what to be for All Hallows Eve. I have dressed up, or been dressed up, every Halloween since I was born…until last year. Though we took our Mobster and Moll costumes along with us on our honeymoon, I came down with a nasty cold and we didn’t go out. The year before, we were a little girl and her sock monkey. It was supposed to be adorable, but it was horrifying…more like Baby Jane Hudson and her giant Mutant Killer Chimp. (See Exhibit A). In our defense, finding couples costumes is really hard, especially when you’ve already done most of the good ones with an ex. In previous seasons, he’s been Gomez to Morticia, the Big Bad Wolf to Little Red Riding Hood, and Frankenstein with his Crack Whore Bride (the crack whore aspect was not part of the costume). I’ve been Snow White with Prince Charming, the Marquis De Sade with my Whipping Boy, and a Valkyrie with her Viking. This year, we really need to come up with something good to make up for two years of lame. So, far these are options we're considering:
1) Thing 1 and Thing 2
Pros: Comfortable, Warm, and Appropriate. Those little Seussian hellraisers have nothing on Frank and I in the wreaking havoc department.
Cons: While all the other women will be using the holiday as an excuse to totally slut it up, I'll essentially be wearing red footie pajamas and a blue Don King wig. I'm afraid when put next to a saucy pirate wench with her doubloons hoisted up to her chin, I might feel a little jealous.
2) Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny(as Carmen Miranda)
Pros: Come on...classic with a twist. And, I'd be carrying healthy snacks on my head.
Cons: Frank would go around all night slurring things like, "Now, ya carrot-chewin' coyote!! Git a goin'!!" And, where am I going to find a 35-gallon cowboy hat that will look over-sized on his huge head?
3) Charlie Brown and Lucy
Pros: Simple to make. It's a yellow shirt with a zig zag, a blue dress, and a football.
Cons: At some point in the evening, I'll inevitably convince Frank to let me hold the football while he tries to kick it and we'll end up back in the ER.
4) Wednesday and Pugsley Addams
Pros: I could be completely snarky and antisocial all night and just say I was in character.
Cons: I'd have to tell Frank he was going as Pugsley.
5) Superman and Wonder Woman
Pros: It would be hilarious...admit it, you're laughing just thinking about it now.
Cons: Stop laughing...you're hurting my feelings. Okay so maybe it would be more like Superman and Wonder Woman after a six-month taco and tequila binge...but, you just wait, this time next year we are both going to be buff. We'll make an awesome set of superheros in 2013.
But, since the verdict is still out on Halloween 2012 , feel free to offer costuming suggestions. Now, I'm off to become bulimic in anticipation of those blue satin panties with the crotch stars.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.