Recently, within hours of attending a small soiree at my home, my best friend and his boyfriend broke up. As his reason, the now ex-beau stated, “I just don’t fit in with those people. They’re so…interesting…so different…just not the type I feel comfortable with.” I thought back over the conversations of the evening to deduce why he had come to this conclusion.
“Yes, I have done my research and you can, indeed, get HPV from a loofah.”
“All of the cephalopods are stupid smart.”
“I know. And the Humboldt Squid seems to have sociopathic tendencies only attributed to humans.”
“My grandmother’s womb fell out. True story.”
“Do you think they changed the name of Samoas to Caramel deLites because Samoas sounds cannibalistic…like they may be made of Samoans?”
“Probably. Would you ever eat a person?”
“Absolutely. As long as I didn’t have to kill them. Flesh is flesh.”
“It still pisses me off that Sarah Palin bastardized the word 'rogue'.”
“I could become addicted to these vegan meatballs.”
“Where did you get that scar on your breast?”
“Old corkscrew injury.”
“Was he the ex-husband that wore a cape?”
“Yeah, and went around performing the Book of Revelation.”
“Do you know the proper way to remount a kayak?”
“Taking in the dimensions, water dispersion, balance, ballast…I’d assume from the rear.”
“Would you rather be a zombie, vampire, or werewolf?”
“It’s an election year. That makes it more difficult.”
“Why? When the country is leaning liberal, people fear vampires. When it is conservative, zombies get more popular.”
“Well, I choose werewolf. Does that make me a libertarian?”
Whoa…freaks of feather flock together. Looking back, it’s a wonder the poor boy didn’t run screaming instead of just hiding in the bedroom. My friends are definitely a bunch of weirdos, and that is why I love them so.
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