(7/29/2009) "Ah, now-a-days we are all so hard up, that the only pleasant things to pay are compliments. They're the only things we can pay." Oscar Wilde Lady Windermere's Fan
We all enjoy flattery from time to time--or all the time. But sometimes, compliments are just a little hard to interpret, and if looked at in a different light are downright rude. Here is a list of some of the most left-handed compliments I have been given.
1) "Damn, girl, you look real."
Received From: A female impersonator backstage at the Driftwood Cabaret.
Hidden Meaning: None. She thought I was a dude in drag.
2) “This is Donna. She's a hoot. Go on, do something crazy."
Received From: My late brother-in-law at a cocktail party.
Hidden Meaning: We couldn't afford real entertainment so we just invited her. Give her a couple of drinks, then wind her up and watch her go.
3) "Man, you're great. I wish you were my sister/mom/daughter-in-law."
Received From: Three different men in the past month.
Hidden Meaning: You are very cool...but not very hot. Perfect to hang out with, but not to have sex with.
Received From: A pick-up truck load of Skoal dipping good ole' boys while walking down Main Street
Hidden Meaning: No fucking clue, as far I know this only refers to an Indian condiment made of fruits, vinegar, and spices. However, the word itself means "strongly spiced" which, I suppose, could be a compliment.
5) "Like that dress...and that hair...and those shoes. You look good for a white girl."
Received From: A stylish acquaintance named Lynette who is the quintessential L.L. Cool J Around the Way Girl..
Hidden Meaning: No matter how hard you try, you will never be as fly as me. But, keep on.
6) "Well, you're just in here every day, buying booze and going out and running wild. I wish I had your life, but I have responsibilities."
Received From: The cashier at Rite-Aid who thinks my name is Rachel.
Hidden Meaning: You should simmer down. Aren't you a bit old for this?
Ahhh...the plight of an aging party girl. And still, I would rather have all these underhanded compliments any old day than to get no attention at all.
(06/29/2012) Recently a friend and I went to Rite-Aid to...what else...buy booze and shirk our responsibilities. When we entered, a chorus of “Hi Rachael” went up from the cashiers. “Hi,” I smiled and yelled back. He looked at me utterly confused. “My name is Rachael at the Rite-Aid,” I explained. Yep, three years later they still haven't noticed that the credit card I use there daily says, “Donna.”
I'm also still receiving complisults (the combined compliment/insult). The latest...
“I never thought Frank Rose would find someone so perfect for him.”
Received From: A couple who knew Frank when he drank like a dehydrated fish, had his nipples pierced, and threw an ongoing punk rock party at skate ramp in his backyard.
Hidden Meaning: Lord, help us all. You're as loud and crazy as he is.
the bourbonistA, Promoting Debauchery and stamping out political-correctness one blog at a time.