(05/24/2008) So last night at a friend's house, I was indoctrinated into the bizarre ritual of Cornhole--if you are one of those people who is campaigning for it to be a Summer Olympic Sport, just stop reading now. Anyway, Cornhole, even the mention of it makes me go all Beavis and Butthead and snicker. But at least, the name makes sense to me now that I was informed that the bags you play with are filled with corn...and, of course, the object of the game is to throw them through a hole. I just assumed they were filled with beans like any other self-respecting bag.
Anyway, I played Cornhole--snicker, snicker, snicker--I can't help it. It just sounds so dirty, especially when you're trying to encourage your teammate..."Come on, get it in the hole, you can do it, you're so close." Now, usually I am a big fan of any game that you can play while wearing high heels and holding a cocktail, but I am just not sure about this holing of the corn. It just seems so random. Whatever happened to yard darts or horse shoes? Epiphany: I bet Cornhole was invented as an alternative after some redneck clan all ended up in the emergency room during their annual Memorial Day Cook-out when the more traditional outdoor amusements got out of control. You can be seriously hurt playing horseshoes. Once when riding through Woodland Park on JW's back after a night of clubbing at the Metro, I was dropped and nearly impaled on that stick that you toss the shoe at...five inches closer and I'd be blogging from heaven. Stop laughing. I am too going to heaven, not that you'll ever know since you're not.
So, Bubba Joe ends up with a yard dart in the eye, and Granny says, "This is the third year in a row that I've had to leave my tater salad out in the hot sun and take you boys to hospital. No more." So she takes some quilting scraps and, since there are no beans left because she used them in the three-bean salad, grabs some corn and stitches up a bag, and then says "Now, throw this." I have no fricking clue how the whole hole in board and bizarre scoring system came about.
Wait...I just looked it up....Holy Crap! Did you know there is an American Cornhole Association? And that Corn Hole is actually one word? They have a charter and a mission statement and I would rather belong to the Manson Family than to this organization whose purpose is to, "introduce our friends and neighbors to the game of Cornhole and to establish more standardized rules for Cornhole play around the country." A little history--the game actually originated in Germany in the 14th century and reemerged a hundred years ago in...where else, but my good old home state of Kentucky. So, now along with Billy Ray Cyrus, we have to claim this asinine pastime? Anyway, they have a Cornhole discussion board, and a president, and official merchandise. So for irony's sake, I must now go order an "I Heart Cornhole" hoodie and matching beer cozy, before they run out.
(05/29/2012) My new mission in life is to invent a new game craze. It will entail all of my favorite summertime accoutrement including: Jell-O shots, a hula hoop, and karaoke. Its still in the early developmental stages, but I'll let you know when we're ready to play.
Sharing All I KNOW about the fine art of voluptuating. here's to living the lush life.